ourownvaluesandthoughtsandfeelings,andIdonotinsistthatyousurrenderyouridentitytomatchanimageofwhatIexpectyoutobeforme.Icanallowandencourageyoutostandaloneandtobewhoyouare,andIavoidtreatingyouasanobjectorusingyouprimarilytosatisfymyownneeds.

    LovemeanshavingaresponsibilitytowardthepersonIlove.IfIloveyou,Irespondtomostofyourmajorneedsasaperson.Thisresponsibilitydoesnotincludemydoingforyouwhatyouarecapableofdoingforyourself;nordoesitmeanthatIrunyourlifeforyou.ItdoesmeanacknowledgingthatwhatIamandwhatIdoaffectsyou,sothatIamdirectlyinvolvedinyourhappinessandyoursuffering.Aloverdoeshavethecapacitytohurtorignorethelovedone,andinthissenseweseethatloveinvolvesanacceptanceofsomeresponsibilityfortheimpactmywayofbeinghasonyou.

    LovemeansmakingacommitmenttothepersonIlove.Thiscommitmentdoesnotmeansurrenderingourtotalselvestoeachother;nordoesitimplythattherelationshipisnecessarilypermanent.Itdoesinvolveawillingnesstostaywitheachotherintimesofpain,struggle,anddespair,aswellasintimesofcalmandenjoyment.

    LovemeanstrustingthepersonIlove.IfIloveyou,Itrustthatyouwillacceptmycaringandmyloveandthatyouwon'tdeliberatelyhurtme.Itrustthatyouwillfindmeattractive,andthatyouwon'tabandonme;Itrustthemutualnatureofourlove.Ifwetrusteachother,wearewillingtobeopentoeachotherandrevealourtrueselves.

    Lovecantolerateimperfection.InaloverelationshiptherearetimeswhenIambored,timeswhenImayfeellikegivingup,timesofrealstrain,andtimesIfeelIcan'tmoveforward.Authenticlovedoesnotimply

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